i've got my mind set on you...

holy shit my fake boyfriend is gay.

so i was thinking a lot lately on how perceptions of situations and people are usually different than reality. even when you get to know someone for real, does the perception of that person really ever go away. take for instance, my crush (and apparenrtly imaginary boyfriend). in my head, hes perfect. he's cute, hes funny, witty and smart. when i first met him, i didnt get a chance to know him at all. he was just a really cute kid who was super polite and sweet. so obvi my mind ran with it and he clearly became the perfect candidate for my next crush target.

natutally, since ive only seen this kid three time as of now, my mind has wandered and he has become perfect. however, after spending a considerable amount of time with him this past week a few things occured to me. one of which is that i think he might be gay.

in my mind, he's cute and witty. in reality hes cute and borderline tooly. in my mind, he's funny and cool. in reality he's got a weird sense of humor (who doesn't like the soup?!!) and has homosexual tendencies. even if hes not gay, hes definitely a little bitch. however the thing that gets me most, is the fact that even knowing all of this, when i think about him, i think all the fake stuff! like how hes the perfect dude and how i need to manipulate him into being interested in me.

however, i think ive reached a turning point and in doing so, i think ive interestingly gained a lot of self confidence/awareness. i'm clearly cooler and funnier than he is and he would be fucking lucky if i gave him the time of day. now, i cant get ahead of myself and say that im a overall confident person, because we all know im not, but i think my fear of being rejected has been at least reduced from this incident...maybe?

bottom line: he's probably into dudes.

now this is a cool ass kid.

XOXO